your words are your wand
productive conversations are the polar express to the life you want
what if the only thing standing between where you are now and where you want to be is a conversation you haven't had yet?
maybe it's with your boss about that promotion.
maybe it's with yourself about what you actually want out of life.
maybe it's with someone who could change your entire trajectory if you could just find the courage to speak up.
the problem is, we've forgotten how to have conversations that actually matter.
we can order food, find dates, and run businesses from our phones. but a real face to face conversation? holy shit!
language is the uniform medium through which we make things happen in our life (or not) and we suck at it.
you're talking but words aren't coming out
conversation is hard.
only 7% of people say they feel as confident as ever in social situations. that means 93% of us are droiding around socially anxious drooling on ourselves. big oof.
people are awkward. i am awkward. i'm far more comfortable behind a screen.
probably because i spend 12 hours a day behind one.
teens now spend 9 plus hours a day on screens (rookie numbers). it's directly correlated with rising depression and social anxiety. we are literally wall-e people, except instead of never moving, we never talk. charisma stores are depleted.
covid made it even worse. a cascade effect that zapped our brains into oblivion. people don't want to go to work anymore. people suck at interacting.
57% of employers say communication is the most desirable skill they're looking for. we're failing at the exact skill the world needs most.
here's you:
but it starts even deeper than that. we struggle to talk to ourselves.
most people are externally focused 247. no real self reflection. no internal dialogue.
and if you can't talk to yourself, you're gonna sounds like c3p0 in conversation.
questions that change the flow of the game
your internal dialogue shapes your identity, regulates behavior, and guides self reflection.
good self talk reduces negative emotion and makes you more willing to engage. negative self talk leads to stress, depression, even physical issues.
i worked for a whole year before the sweet lady in the cube next to me handed me a piece of paper with affirmations:
"what you think about you bring about."
"your thoughts shape your world."
she said: "i hear you calling yourself dumb and stupid and swearing at yourself all the time. please pin this up."
nice dante. had no idea she could hear me. lesson learned.
here are a few internal conversations that changed my trajectory:
do i see this person taking care of my kids? (relationships)
can i do this forever? (work, diet, exercise, relationships)
what do i have right now that future or past me would kill for? (gratitude)
what's holding me back? (bottleneck)
what conversation am i avoiding? (bottleneck)
simple questions but for me, big results.
i journal every evening after dinner (if i wait until bed, i get sleepy).
what am i grateful for?
where did i mess up?
what could i have done better?
the last question usually exposes the thing i'm avoiding.
hard conversations, easy life. easy conversations, hard life.
avoiding these conversations costs you a ton of hp. missed opportunities, broken relationships, and career stagnation.
conversation tips you can use today
with yourself:
journal
practice gratitude
ask the questions above
with others:
be interested, not interesting. people want to talk about themselves. let them. get involved
find common ground. anything can be a bridge: hobbies, books, travel, skills. (this is why everyone brings up the weather in the elevator)
ask what excites them. everyone loves to talk about what fires them up. if you don't get it, ask questions. learn.
share about yourself. build trust but don't dominate. this is how you get people to open up, by sharing first.
avoid tough conversations when emotions are high. wait until you can think clearly. too many moron decisions made based on emotion
go talk
i’m gonna stop talking about talking because in order to get better at talking i need to go talk.
your homework is the same. call your mom or something.
have more conversations. have better conversations.
because at the end of the day, when you really zoom out, rich or poor, it doesn't get much better than sitting around bullshitting with people you care about.
those moments stick. that's what matters.
the conversations themselves and the conversations that get you there.
thanks for reading and as always, godspeed sunballers.
— dante
things that have possessed me this week:
song: eyes closed - majid jordan
idea: make the moment, don’t let the moment make you
health tip: let your body wake up naturally if you can